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HR makes new rules for employees…

By on Sep 16, 2006 in On A Whim | 3 comments

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Yet another (argh!) email forward, on changing rules by HR departments of companies…

NEW RULES FROM HR

TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
– If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
– If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
– If you drive a pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

ANNUAL LEAVE:
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow! said 1 employee).
– They are called SUNDAYs.

LUNCH BREAK:
– Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
– Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
– Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
– If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
– There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
– At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
– After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.
– Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

SURGERY:
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
– You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
– To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.



3 Comments

  1. Cloudy Musings

    September 17, 2006

    Post a Reply

    That’s better!! you wun’t have mentioned that if i hadn’t caught u red-handed…

  2. Great Quizzard

    September 18, 2006

    Post a Reply

    Hey, it’s a public-domain work WITHOUT a copyright notice so I’ve got EVERY right to quote ANYTHING as my source. And I can legally copy-paste too. :p

    Just thought I could mention it though. Main article says ’email fwd’ since if you’d cared to see the meta-tags for keywords to be used for this site, you’d that’s among them, so it’s SEO positioning actually…

    I know you didn’t get any of this… :p

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