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(dis)SATisfaction #9: Crap; and Electric ARC #21: Blah Blah?

By on May 24, 2007 in Personal | 16 comments

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That, is what summarizes my SAT Reasoning Test result. The preliminary results are out today, and I’ve got 2030. Yup. That’s the score. Detailed report will be up on 2nd June, but that doesn’t change anything, does it? Oh, and BTW, Rach, who’d also given the test, scored 1990.

It’s not exactly the MIT-style score, and I never expected it anyway; because in home tests my highest had been around 2290. Still, there’s a big difference between This and That. Big difference. It’s good enough (I hope…) for something like Boston University and University of Miami, and maybe a chance for University of California, Berkeley. And others which don’t require SAT II are pretty much secure for me. Can’t say much without my SAT II scores, but this was a sort of jolt, because I did expect something in the high 2100s at the least. Rach’s already suggesting that I did the same mistake as I did in the Kaplan sample paper – making an error and shifting the answers one bubble too early. Maybe. Or maybe I was pathetically pathetic.

Of late, I have found that miserable feeling that creeps up your neck when you’ve utterly screwed up something comes a tad too often. It seems as if I’ve lost that drive, that enthusiasm I had earlier. I could put in loads of hours when I needed it, and get that odd good national rank in the odd Olympiad or two until about last year. And then, the staggering immensity of human genius hit me like a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (which, feels like being mugged by a lemon wrapped around a large gold brick) when I came to my new school. Only about 50 people make it through per year say to the IITs from our school, and yet, almost every bloody student in the top 3 science sections is bloody brilliant. It scares me, and it makes me want to give up. When I look at those kids from section A, who study for nothing but their VMC classes, and those in our section who don’t study for school and spend the whole day solving packages at the back (yes, backbenchers in our section are the ones who study), it gives a real bad sense that “I’m not gonna make it in front of THESE (VMC) folks.” It’s something like being like an ostrich – till the time you don’t come face to face with others, you have a gala time slogging and enjoy those stupid ranks; and as soon as you lift your face out it drains your confidence out faster than the rate at which auto-rickshaw meters tick up numbers in Delhi.

And I may sound pretty amused right now, but despite any attempt at being funny, I seriously haven’t been in a good mood for the past few weeks. An overwhelming feeling of “Why bother even trying!” has been enveloping me. My last module test results terrible (don’t even think of asking), and yet, I’d solved many more questions than I had marked. Why didn’t I mark them? Because they were marginally tougher, and I didn’t have the confidence that I’d solved them correctly. In retrospect, it’d have boosted my score. I didn’t mark those, and went ahead and marked easier ones I was less sure of, because they were easy. I know it’s not an excuse, I’m not offering one, and I understand very well that I should be the one who knows what to do in a paper; and the sort of thing I just said is exactly what people who want to give a miserable excuse keep on saying.

I understand that the rope is slipping, but somehow in the face of my peers, and there are more I know from other schools too, I’ve locked up. I know that I’m acting like a rabbit on highway – sitting still and staring at the approaching headlights, thinking that that will help me out of the situation. Of course, it doesn’t. Somehow though, the odds of 80 people for every 1 seat have started to appear too odd to make through. It’s the very same feeling of despair that gripped me two months before my class X Boards (when I found out that I’d missed out [almost] everything at school because of competitions), except that that feeling of despair and helplessness is much stronger now. Somehow, somewhere, sometime, the slide has begun…and I simply don’t know what to do about it…



16 Comments

  1. achyuth sanjay

    May 24, 2007

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    just to point out, that in delhi, the meters in autos do not tick usually. its the price they say, that we pay!

  2. Abhishek Nandakumar

    May 25, 2007

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    In my school, backbenchers are always the ones who study. This phenomenon is accepted as normal behavior and doing VMC packages is also socially acceptable.

    Class 11 and 12 was boring mostly because of these nerds(only while studying) all around.

  3. Somonnoy

    May 25, 2007

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    Ankur, your SAT score is quite good, and Boston (or UCB) is certainly a very good place to be in. As regards the JEE, remember a few facts:
    a. The overall cutoff every year has hovered around 35% marks.
    b. There are more than 150 to 200 ranks distributed over every 1% marks.
    c. The JEE no longer tests your problem solving capability; it tests more your basic understanding. So solving problem packages may not be all that advantageous.

    As I understand, your sagging motivation is because of external reasons – the peers and the apparent competition. The solution: forget about getting through or rank – instead enjoy the subjects, for they have enough elements to make them enjoyable, JEE or no JEE.

    And remember, quizzards are prized at any IIT.

  4. rach

    May 25, 2007

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    u wanna know wat 2 do now that the slide’s bgun? stop whining, sit back and enjoy the view of the world rushing past u. it’ll clear ur head, and then wen u’re at the bottom, start the climb again. bcoz, climbing up is easier than staying up there.
    After all, peaking at the rite time is wat matters.

  5. eeshu

    May 25, 2007

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    Rach said it… it’s better, and easier… to get up to the peak at the right time… than stay there. Hmm, i should take a lesson… Anyways, give SAT again, trust me it’s gonna be way better… For the moment, start climbing, and if you please, y always could leave some of your responsibilities to me… i would’nt mind…;-)

  6. Bhavika Aggarwal

    May 25, 2007

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    Are you alright? Chill maar yaar, what’s with all this “slide has begun” BS? Everything gonna be A-OK, you know that…you can give the SAT again, I think, and the score is not bad, better than Rachit’s, and other people I know…

    And as for the module test, all those I know say that this one was so much more worse compared to the last one, so you’re not alone…and while it was stupid to leave all those questions, you can now, i guess, learn from that…

    I’m not really good at this making-you-feel-better thing, so I hope this is working-even a teeny-weeny bit…

  7. GQ

    May 25, 2007

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    @Supersonic Aviatrix: Someone else feels the same. Sigh.

    @Achyuth: True.

    @Abhishek: It does go against the Laws Of Nature though. Backbenchers studying.

    @Somonnoy: Give up thoughts of getting through? Huh? Although that part about enjoying the subjects does make sense. Invariable though it always ends up with me spending an incredible amount of time poring over R&H. Quizzing at IIT? It’d be fun to be on their team though. But it’s like this – people say give up quizzing in school, you can do it in college. Then you go to college and they’ll say do quizzing after college, work for your GPA. Then when you work there are hardly any quizzes to go to, even if there are, you’re out of touch and a harrowed person who advises kids not to do quizzing in school / college. Sigh. The circle of life.

    @Rach: You said something pretty nice from Batman Begins ‘Why do we fall? So that we learn to pick ourselves up.’ To that, I quote from the same movie ‘It’s not who I am, but what I do that defines me.’ I’m afraid the SAT just went that definition down the gutter.

    @Eeshu: SAT again? It’d be far too hectic trying to fit in SAT I, SAT II, TOEFL and all in the coming months.

    @Everyone: Thanks a lot for trying to cheer me up, but well, I dunno. I still feel like that rabbit on a highway – I simply don’t know what to do!

  8. GQ

    May 25, 2007

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    @Rach: You know what your comment here reminded me of? It’s a Douglas Adams quote – ‘I like deadlines…I like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying past me’.

    @SA: When did YOU feel that slide happening?

    @Somonnoy: Just curious. Did you have to give up drama before going to / after getting into IIT?

  9. rach

    May 25, 2007

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    if u feel like that rabbit on the highway, i suggest u get of it this damn instant. u never know wen a speeding car mite hit u.
    stop being so depressed (and depressing), life ain’t all abt one sat gone wrong. heck, americans screw them up all the time!
    slipping’s fine as long as u can pick urself up. life wud b SO BORING without its ups and downs.
    So wat if u messed up one SAT exam? U can’t do anything abt it now, not if u don’t want to hack into the database and rig ur marks. Concentrate on the here and now. Wat u can do from this moment on, also decides ur future, and is the thing u’re in control of. don’t waste the present thinking abt ur past, or u’ll screw up the present too, wich wud someday be ur past, and then u’d rue that wasted time, and u’d waste the present of the future ruing the past (wich rite now is the present)…..[basically, i’m damn confused rite now]…

  10. GQ

    May 27, 2007

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    @Rach: Gee. It all sounds so nice. And yet…I dunno. It seems as if I sorta can’t bring myself out of it…

  11. supersonic_aviatrix

    May 27, 2007

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    oh, i felt the slide looong ago, it jsut keeps gettin worse an worse….esp when you put up posts sayin your solvin packages in a frenzy…niice!!

  12. GQ

    May 30, 2007

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    @SA: I just started solving packages in a frenzy from say about 2-3 weeks ago. Sigh. I need to catch up a lot. And I really dunno what’s going to happen to me, because the quizzing / computer symposium season is going to start off soon… :s

  13. Stephen

    November 6, 2007

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    Hey, I was just surfing around bloglines.com, looking for anyone who had a distaste for SAT reasoning tests and I think I just found one. Don’t you it’s stupid that colleges tend to look at students with high sat scores rather than those with have lower sat scores. Such a stupid system and brainwash that Collegeboard has made…

  14. GQ

    November 6, 2007

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    @Stephen: Nice to know there are more people like me out there. Yes, standardized testing is just not *good*, because it leaves no room for creativity.

  15. Manu

    July 4, 2011

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    @Ankur- after getting the score of 2030 did u take the SAT 1 again, or was that it?

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