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A Very High Skoar!

By on Dec 1, 2007 in Reviews, Tech Takes | 0 comments

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Jasubhai Digital Media Skoar magazine coverMy rating of Skoar!: 9 / 10 (whatta high skoar!)
Publication frequency: When It’s Done…

We went to zis tech symposium recently, Dynamix 2007, where they’d pretty cool prizes. One of them was an issue of Jasubhai Digital Media‘s (sounds like it’s run by the mafia, doesn’t it?) Skoar! magazine – India’s biggest dedicated-to-gaming magazine; which all the podium finishers got.

And boy is it an amazing magazine. It’s totally shameless in being politically incorrect, did you know that, bitch? And gawd, does it have some amazing reviews. It’s amazingly well written, which is why I gave it such a high skoar. Seriously, it’s something you can only experience by reading. I’ll only try to give some of the BEST lines I came across while reading it…

Sample this excerpt from the review of Dhoom 2 the movie (Jimi wrote a review once). What was a movie review doing in a game magazine? Well for one, a game based on D2 is coming out soon, which is sorta a first in Bollywood; and the second more important reason is the writers get a helluva kick out of ripping apart stuff over which ‘annoying bitches keep on saying, “Oh fakkkkk, that’s so hawtttt” ‘.

A bad carbon copy of an equally bad original, Dhoom 2 is the cinematic equivalent of the result of letting the Hunchback of Notre Dame fornicate with the bearded lady from your local freak show.

LMAO!!! It then goes to give helpful GAYdar ratings for the actors (I already knew Hrithik was gay – saw a recent Sony Ericsson ad with him wearing a sarong). Plus berating it in general, had me in splits. I *must* get Vivek to record an imitation of my laugh and put it up here along with the original. I might add, that Skoar’s review gives firm footing to my belief that the Hindi movie industry SUCKS.

And then, a review of the movie 300 (ra ra, 300! – read my review here), on the occasion of well, nothing, but to fill up a few pages.

300 is basically a movie filled with mass killing, blood, more blood, more killings, and blood. Did I mention blood?….
…Essentially, the whole movie is a celebration of manhood, and why exactly it rocks to be a human with a dick
…The awesome character designing reminds me of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, except that 300’s heroes make Aragorn & Co look like fruits

THE best though, comes in the letter to the team / editor pages. Any poor troll who happens to write in to Skoar, no matter how much they praise them, is summarily abused, insulted, ridiculed, torn apart and pretty badly banged up. Oh, I forgot, in case they’re feeling lenient, they add ‘write to’, which is the ID most of those poor fucktards have written to anyway. Sample a few…

…Rockstar, being a game developer with some class, has incorporated special code into the game [GTA: Vice City] that prevents UPPERCASE-using trolls, viz you, from using it. In fact, the government should pass a law requiring minimum IQ requirement of 10 to operate a computer
…In all fairness, you don’t deserve to get a replacement disk [for the broken one] for the following reasons: You’re typing in UPPERCASE, which is a distinguishing characteristic of retarded gorillas, and gorillas aren’t supposed to read Skoar! – especially the retarded ones
…95% of all reader submissions suck donkey’s balls

And an astonishing admission about the prize it was gonna give to one of its loyal readers… ;)

…For his tryst with insanity, Abhinav wins a Yahoo! backpack we managed to flick from its stall at the SKOAR! 2007 Expo at Delhi (yes, we stole quite a few of those cool bags…)

I might point out that those happened to be Yahoo! backpacks which were called ‘cool’ by a mag that hates everything else… :D

Another thing you’ll love noticing is that even when interviewing CEOs hotshot gaming companies, they keep their sense of insult firmly in place. It gives immense pleasure to see a fucking CEO thwacked around with abuses about his company / game.

Well, the worst point? No fixed publication schedule, which means that it gets published ‘When It’s Done’, although off late they’ve trying to stick to a bimonthly schedule, more or less. So until the next time, bitch, goodbye…

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