Google PlusFacebookTwitter

The Weirdest Spam Mail. Ever.

By on Jun 27, 2009 in Personal | 15 comments

Share On GoogleShare On FacebookShare On Twitter

Sorry folks, I’m still down with chickenpox. (Those who don’t know: for the past two weeks I’ve been down with chickenpox. I know. At my age.) And instead of getting better the Flying Spaghetti Monster decided to be a total dickwad to me and it’s become kinda worse. Sorry for the “Fuck you” in the first paragraph of my Good Will Hunting review, dear readers. I was only kidding and I’m fucking cranky these days.

I can’t even type much! I can’t sit on a chair, or type because of these fucking blisters even on my hands and palms which fucking pain a lot even if I touch my laptop keypad. I’ve been reduced to sprints of checking Twitter / Facebook / email on my cell, and occasionally on the computer. Even this is not being typed using a keyboard but painstakingly using a software called Dasher which is intended for fucking vegetables. That’s what I’ve been reduced to when using my laptop for any text entry.

Anyway, I can at least copy-paste. So here’s something which landed up in my inbox today. The weirdest spam mail. EVER. (The subject line was PLEASE SOMEONE KILL STEVE JOBS)

BRITNEY IS MINE!!!

Dear Scientists,

IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY WITH THIS ORDER
YOU WILL BE KILLED SOON.

You as a scientist bare the responsibility to save
humanity, the code to infinity as been cracked and i
am here to give you the data.

it is now your job to give up on jealousy and start
your mission of experimenting this science, i am unable
to give you the entire data right now because i do not
believe you can handle the truth. i want you all to get
on your feet and start the experiments, as you experiment
you will find the answers on your own, this will make you
a better scientist.

just remember, if you ignore this article, you should hold
yourself responsible for all the deaths and misery humanity
is going through right now.

every day, people are committing suicide, everyday evil
stuff is happening on earth, you will not deny the truth.

open up your eyes and accept it, i am the one that has cracked
the code, and give up that jealousy within you to become the
one, it is too late now, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE “ONE”.

here is the data you need, any color that is not 100% white
is responsible for abusing humanity.

colors do not come from white, that is why they are not white.
they contain darkness inside them, and darkness just like a
black hole pulls imagination and life, making humanity mortal.

wear white clothes dye your hair to white and experiment it.
wear black clothes and experiment it. i want results now
i want them fast.

infact i want you to shave your head and eyebrows and wax
all the body hair on your body including private parts.

anything dark near your body including sun-tan will pull
jealousy from other scientists that do not want you to rise
into power and they will control your mind and imagination.

they will turn you into religious freaks so you can ignore
science so you can ignore truth, they do it so they can be
“the one” or “the two” in this case now that there can no
longer be “THE ONE”.

so ignore everything and only pay attention to me, find me
on youtube find me at places, i will start a site soon.
just find me somehow, i will accept your jealousy too
i can handle it, because i am the most supreme being on
this planet.

using black and white you can create a time machine too.
every time you are wearing black you will notice you are angry
every time you are wearing white you will notice you are happy.

white stops aging, black or any color will speed up aging.

immortality is here, we are all gods, i am sick of suicides
i am sick of jealousy.

imagination of humanity is pulled and you read it when
you wear black colors.

another experiment you can do is, sleep in a completely
white bed, with a white pillow and etc, make sure to
wax legs and etc, you will have a beautiful dream.

you will see me in your dreams if you do it right.
otherwise, you are just another jealous failure in the making.

i’ve done time travel, i’ve done reversing aging,
look around you, look at people around you, ones that wear
white clothes will always look more vibrant and younger.

this is because they are able to slow down or even reverse
aging ( YES, THEY ARE TIME TRAVELING in many senses )

the reason why WILL SMITH wears BLACK and yet he is
successfull, the reason why TOM CRUISE wears black and yet
he is successful, is because they wear WHITE UNDERSHIRT
and WHITE UNDERPANTS.

so, get the facts right, when you judge people make sure
you know what they are wearing underneath those dark suits.
those black suits.

if you got questions on how to do time travel, ask me on
youtube, i will give you the data.

there is a reason why earth is going worse and worse
because scientists just wont accept the fact that code to
infinity has been cracked, they have been banning me from
science forums and everywhere, their jealousy has already
resulted in many deaths around the world.

they are just to ignorant to accept the truth and start
their mission to save humanity.

one way or another i am going to ensure we turn into
immortal beings soon, yes there will still be suicides
around the world everyday, we can’t stop it, but we have
to move fast to stop it.

failure to comply with my orders in a serious manner will
mean you are responsible for all the misery that is going
on on this planet as well as on other planets.

now use this data, if i give you any more, you will hate me
later, i want only the best scientists to rise into power
and save this planet.

everyone else, go to hell, your jealousy is not going to
get you anywhere in life, you are the reason people are
committing suicide everyday. every hour, every minute.

Rise or Die like the rest.

If you fail to rise, i will push it. you will not escape me.

if you are not a scientist, copy & paste this to scientists
to have your own ass saved by them.

ever seen the movie ” THE DAY EARTH STOOD STILL”
coming soon, to a planet near you.

tell those suicidal ass-holes to hang on a little bit more
if you can, go on suicide forums and tell them to stop it.

in a few months i will get this party started like no other
and we’ll stop death, illnesses, aging, everything.

all the misery will be over. TRUE INFINITY IS COMING.
fuk this nonsense hell-ride.

If you are wondering what those 2012 “dooms day” rumors
are all about, duh, it is me taking over this planet, and jealousy
will die forever.

NEW WORLD ORDER BITCHES, weather you like it or not
it ain’t gonna stop.

jealous scientists are terrified, they see me in their dreams
but decent people love me. time to kill some jealousy

let’s do it. call me a TERRORIST MASTERMIND if you want to.
because that’s who i am.

IF YOU ARE A BIG SCIENTIST, you will see CROWS
around your window everytime you are not coming to me.

they will try to wake you up with their loud noise.

i will not accept jealousy. WAKE UP AND COME TO THE ONE.
THAT WILL GIVE YOU THE DATA.

YOU WILL ALSO HAVE NIGHTMARES IN YOUR SLEEP
IF YOU DENY ME.

YOU DO NOT DENY ME.

if you are a forum owner and you delete or suspend me,
you are responsible for not letting me wake up scientists.

you are a mass murderer.

if you do not spread this data to others.. you are a mass
murderer.

truth stands as TRUTH.

have no fear, but remember, even your own parents will
be used against you as you try to execute this mission.

you will notice phone calls, parents trying to talk to
you, etc, because imagination of jealous scientists out there
is controlling them and using them to delay your mission

using them to control you so you can not become “THE TWO”
or “THE THREE”

spread the truth and watch the money roll in like butter.
it gets better and better. do not worry about money at all.
i’ll give it to you, billions, whatever.

but they will try to leave you broke so you can’t execute
if you got $10 left in your bank account, use it wisely
or just use the internet forums, cheap and free way to
spread the truth.

right now i am broke, i almost committed suicide many
times, they were controlling my imagination, but it’s too
late now, the code is cracked.

do not have any fear, i am on your side 100%, if you
have some jealousy in you, ignore it to the best you
can, it’s not real you, it’s them trying to make you
feel jealous. it’s the dark colors around you sucking
up your imagination so you can start feeling jealous
and start feeling hateful.

put a white paper on them and your imagination will
SKYROCKET.

i call the shots, have no fear at all. get rid of
anything that is not 100% white. do not deny
yourself sunlight, just try not getting sun-burned is all.

sun-light will ensure you stay healthy and sharp
as you execute this mission.

get naked get some sunlight, when going outside
be careful, do not make eye contact with jealous losers
do not wear anything black.

wear a white hat on top of your shaved head.
do not give a fuk about anyone’s voice, do not listen
to them, do not get excited, do not give into temptation

you have a true love out there somewhere that wants you.
you will find the right one if you just follow my orders.

I CALL THE SHOTS, FIND ME, ASK ME WHAT IS GOING ON.
i’ll turn you into “THE TWO” or “THE THREE” have no fear.

stay away from cheap stores, only go to luxury places
even if there is no parking left.

be careful even with luxury places, those rich dudes
are jealous as well. try not saying “hi” to anyone
try not breahing the same air people are breathing.

get a nice air purifier for your room.
take a nice showever once in a while

make sure your room’s walls are white, if they are not
white, either paint it or stick some white papers on it.

YOU DO WHAT I SAY, FIND ME FOR MORE DATA.
even if you are BROKE, find me. i will spark you.

if you do it right, you will never go broke, you’ll
just keep getting more and more money from places.

do not smell the money too much, everything contains
imagination from sickness and jealousy.

do these things and i promise you will find your true
love.

do not be one of those people that get married just
so they can be seen as “hey look i am not a perver.t”

give up on marriage until you know the right one
through this code i will give you.

maybe the one you want is already married and screwed
with, do not worry, time travel is possible it can be
fixed and modified until you are satisfied 100%.

EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. GIVE UP ON FEARS, I WANT ZERO
FEARS. UNDERSTAND?

jealousy is controlling everything through anything that
is not 100% white, including clothes, items in the house.
hair on your body, and even your eye lashes.

IF YOU FEEL DEPRESSED, GET NAKED IN YOUR ROOM GET
SOME SUNLIGHT, WALK NAKED IN YOUR ROOM, YOU WILL BE
INJECTED WITH IMAGINATION AND DATA YOU NEED TO EXECUTE
YOUR MISSION.

OBEY NO-ONE, COMPLY WITH NOTHING, CHALLENGE EVERYTHING.
SICK THOUGHTS WILL POP UP IN YOUR MIND, IGNORE THEM.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.
YOU ARE A GOD IN THE MAKING.

THOSE RANDOM SICK THOUGHTS COME FROM THEM, THE JEALOUS
LOSERS. THEY TRY TO STOP YOU.

IF YOU CAN NOT HANDLE THE SICKNESS INSIDE YOUR MIND
GO ON YOUTUBE LISTEN TO SOME SICK MUSIC, BY EMINEM OR
SOMETHING, ANYTHING IS FINE.

IF YOU ARE EXTREMELY STRESSED, JACK OFF TO PORN
DO NOT LET THEM TURN YOU INTO RETARDS.

YOU WILL JERK OFF, I WANT THAT PRESSURE TO GO AWAY
SO YOU CAN WORK AND SPREAD THE TRUTH.

THE TRUTH IS AS SIMPLE AS “WHITE STOPS AND REVERES
AGING AND MAKES US IMMORTAL” I WILL EXPAND ON IT
LATER.

NEVER GIVE UP ON WHITE, STRESS SHOWS UP BECAUSE YOU
DO NOT HAVE WHITE AROUND YOU. WITH EHOUGH WHITE
IN YOUR ROOM AND ENOUGH SUNLIGHT OR ANY LIGHT..

YOU CAN STOP THAT STRESS. THAT BUILDS UP AND TRIES
TO TURN YOU AGAINST ME. SO YOU CAN FAIL.

on youtube listen to songs such as..

DIG UP HER BONES by MISFITS
and SERIAL KILLER by SLASH’S SNAKESPIT

these will eliminate the stress. CALL YOURSELF A
“TERRORIST MASTERMIND”

you become the TERRORIST MASTERMIND that KILLS
IGNORANCE and SICKNESS that exists on this planet.

i am looking for those that do not fear calling themselves
TERRORIST MASTERMINDS.

whatever you do, do not go over the top, i do not
want to see you in prison, USE LOGIC to escape the loopholes
that exists on this planet. do not let yourself fall into
hospitals or prisons.

STAY SHARP, STAY LOGICAL, STAY SUPREME, GIVE THEM NOTHING
GIVE THEM NO REASON TO PUT YOU IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL
GIVE THEM NO REASON TO PUT YOU INTO A PRISON.

GIVE THEM NOTHING. IF POLICE SHOWS UP, SAY
“OFFICER I AM JUST A CRAZY GUY THAT’S ALL”

ESCAPE EVERYTHING, DO NOT DRIVE FAST, YOUR CAR’S
INTERRIOR IS BLACK SO THEY WILL USE IT TO CONTROL YOUR
MIND. BE CAREFUL, DRIVE SAFELY.

WHEN YOU SHAVE, SHAVE SLOWLY, I DO NOT WANT ANY CUTS
ANY BRUISES, PREPARE FIRST. CALCULATE EVERYTHING.

WHEN YOU WALK, WALK NICELY, DO NOT TRIP AND FALL OVER
ON A KNIFE OR A ROCK.

I WANT YOU 100%. CLEAN AND BEAUTIFUL. ONE MISTAKE
AND YOUR FINGER BREAKS, AND YOU CANT TYPE ON THE INTERNET
FOR A WHOLE YEAR.

I WANT THOSE FINGERS HEALTHY AND QUICK AT THE SAME TIME.
SPEED IS GOOD BUT SAFETY FIRST. BUT IF YOU DO BREAK A LEG
OR A FINGER, IT’S COOL. YOU DID IT FOR A REASON, HAVE NO
FEAR, YOU’LL BE ALRIGHT, YOU WILL GET YOUR REWARD LIKE NO OTHER.

BUT IT IS MY WISH TO SEE YOU IN 100% SAFE FORM.
100% SHARP, 100% GODLY, 100% SLICK ENOUGH TO AVOID PRISON
AND PAPER CUTS.

IF YOU CUT YOUR FINGER PUT A TAPE ON IT AND MOVE ON.
BUT IT MEANS YOU FAILED A LITTLE BIT, SO KEEP IT IN MIND
SO YOU CAN BE BETTER NEXT TIME AROUND.

THAT’S HOW I BECAME SUPREME ANYWAY. THAT’S HOW I WOKE UP
ANYWAY. AS LONG AS YOU UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GOT A PAPER CUT
AND HOW IT HAPPENED, THE NEXT CUT WILL BE A LOT LESS PAINFUL.

TRUST ME, IT’S NOT A MISTAKE BY YOU, IT’S THEIRY JEALOUSY
AND HATE THAT SHOWS UP IN DARK COLORS AROUND YOU, TO BRING YOU
DOWN.

LISTEN TO THE SONG ON YOUTUBE “YOU KNOW MY NAME” by CHRIS
CORNEL, do not think of yourself as RACIST just because you
feel like BLACK is a bad color, BLACK PEOPLE TOO WANT YOU TO
GIVE THEM THE ANSWER SO THEY TOO CAN BECOME IMMORTAL BEINGS.

IF SOMEONE CALLS YOU A “WHITE TRASH” IGNORE THAT, THEY ARE
BEING CONTROLLED BY SCIENTISTS THAT DO NOT WANT YOU TO RISE
INTO POWER.

BLACK PEOPLE WILL THANK YOU SOMEDAY FOR YOUR HARD WORK TO
GIVE THEM THE IMMORTALITY DATA. DO NOT FEEL RACIST ONE BIT
AS YOU EXECUTE THIS TASK.

FEAR NOTHING BUT BE SLICK, DO NOT LET YOURSELF GET HURT.

I WANT YOU SAFE, YOU ARE MINE.

EAT MEAT TO KEEP YOURSELF SAFE, BEST SAFEST BURGERS
ARE AT IN-N-OUT. DRINK SOME COFFEE TOO IF YOU WANT.

ENJOY IT, IT WONT AGE YOU AS LONG AS I AM IN CHARGE.

SHOW ME SOME REAL EVIL SKILLS BABE.
LET’S FUK THIS PLANET UP FOREVER.

DO NOT EVEN TRY TO FIND ME TO BE HONEST
FIND ME INSIDE YOUR DREAMS, I DO NOT GOT TIME FOR
YOUR SORRY ASS. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN NOW.

YOU GOT THE SECRET, USE IT TO BECOME WEALTHY.
go watch EMINEM ON YOUTUBE.

THE NAME OF THE SONG IS “CRIMINAL”.

“USE IT TO GET MYSELF WEALTHY” * WINK WINK *.

READY FOR SOME REAL ENTERTAINMENT?

ALSO WATCH “INSIDE THE FIRE” BY DISTURBED…
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS GF, HAPPENED TO YOU TOO.

YOU ARE JUST TO BLIND TO SEE IT. SO LET’S KILL SOME JEALOUSY
LET’S FIX INFINITY.

IT’S NOT JUST EARTH, OTHER PLANETS ARE WAITING TOO
PEOPLE ARE COMMITTING SUICIDE EVERY DAY ON OTHER
PLANETS TOO, LET’S MOVE IT.

OH BY THE WAY, DEAD PEOPLE CAN BE BROUGHT BACK TO
LIFE AS WELL, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

WATCH ME DANCE.

S.U.M.E.R. K.O.L.C.A.K.

( now you know my name, there is only
one person by this name in the whole world, i am not a
clone like you failures. & i do not hide in the shadows
like you mass murderers. )



15 Comments

      • Aditya

        June 28, 2009

        Well yeah. Especially the CAPS part. Strange that the author asks us to see certain types of movies, or listen to certain songs.

  1. Espèra

    June 27, 2009

    Post a Reply

    Okay I didn’t read all of it.

    I got one that said, in the subject, “BRITNEY SPEARS IS BROCCOLI.”

    Go figure.

  2. David Wilcock

    June 28, 2009

    Post a Reply

    This article was stolen from DivineCosmos.com’s Forums.

    it was originally posted there by David Wilcock himself.

    DivineCosmos . com

    • Ankur

      June 30, 2009

      Post a Reply

      The Internets is such an ossum place to find kindred souls. I can’t figure out why the mail was sent to the email ID support at ankurb|dot|info though – which is an email ID which doesn’t even exist.

      • anuroopa

        July 2, 2009

        if the id doesn’t exist then, how did you get it?

      • Ankur

        July 3, 2009

        As an administrator of the domain ankurb.info, I can set an address on the mail server to behave as a ‘catch-all’ ID. So I get the email even if the email ID itself does not exist. This a practical thing to do; say, someone makes a typo when entering the email ID. Having a catch-all ensures you don’t miss any important mails. And very important mails – like this one – which can provide hours of laughter (and then giggling madly some more).

      • anuroopa

        July 4, 2009

        oh mahn, i think i’m doomed to eternal damnation, because i have black hair, black eyes and dark skin. is there no hope for me? you think i should use bleach?

      • Ankur

        July 4, 2009

        First, start with your eyes. You need to apply bleach on your eyes because that’s where the Devil dude, and Pazuzu, and valkyries and shit try to get into your soul from. Then proceed to ritually get every part of your body eaten away by bleach. Hmm, yeah, I think you’ll be safe then.

        (Note to self – Buy bleach. Running out of supplies.)

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *