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Another one of *those* posts

By on Dec 12, 2009 in On A Whim | 15 comments

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My last post totally doesn’t ‘work’, does it.

I sat down to write it, and words just didn’t flow. I’m not a big fan of ‘planning’ articles by making rough drafts and then ironing them over and over. I usually just sit down to write and hack away at the keyboard. Hey, that’s what works for me. Yesterday, it didn’t.

I miss my friends from India. Terribly. Who the fuck was I kidding? I enjoy hanging out with my new friends here, but I still miss my old friends a lot. And technically, staying in touch with them shouldn’t be a big deal. Calling someone in India is three times cheaper than calling someone within the UK. But then, the time zone gap crops up and reminds you that things aren’t exactly the same. Every time you feel like calling anyone, your brain is doing mental pirouettes trying to decide whether someone 5.5 hours ‘in the past’ will be free to receive your call. As it turns out, quite often the answer is ‘no’ – or at least I don’t want to end up disturbing anyone at a time I think is inappropriate.

Skype? Skype just makes it worse – reminding you every second of the conversation that there’s a huge gap. Skype hates me. Over the past few days, whenever I’ve tried to call anyone it simply. doesn’t. connect.

I miss being able to pop over for a get-together with friends. I miss PVR’s ‘rip-off’ prices at their multiplex chain all over Delhi, now that I see how much bigger a rip-off the Odeon is over here. I miss being able to choose from, or being forced to choose from (because of the ‘now playing’ lists), from 20 different multiplexes given that Guildford has only one. (Small towns based around a university are the norm in UK.) I miss being able to have endless conversations. Especially with…

Am I realizing all this, now that I have considerably more free time? Have I been trying to shut out all this by piling myself with a lot of work?

Alone
Creative Commons License photo credit: frielp

Wait. Why do I even blog?

Why am I writing this on my blog? Shouldn’t this be a private post?

I have never discussed my personal life on my blog. I’ve discussed aspects of my personal life that I believe are public enough to be discussed, but I’m very clear on what I definitely do not want to be published online. My Facebook / Twitter profile opens up a bit more compared to my blog, but again those are aspects of my personal life that I’m okay with putting up publicly. There are certain aspects of my life that I will never be comfortable with in sharing with strangers.

So the people who think they ‘know’ me, based on my blog, don’t. Seriously, you don’t know me. You only know certain aspects of who I am based on what I have let you know through my publishings.

That’s what I miss most right now. Being able to stay in touch with the people who really know me.



15 Comments

  1. Espèra

    December 13, 2009

    Post a Reply

    “Being able to stay in touch with the people who really know me.”

    C’mon, it’s not as if your new friends know you only through your blog as well! What about emailing our friends? Although I suppose you must do that a lot anyway … :)

    • Ankur

      December 13, 2009

      Post a Reply

      LOL, no, I obviously didn’t mean that my new friends know me through my blog. What I meant to say is that I haven’t reached a level of bonhomie with my friends here that I had with my old friends. I understand that this will be the case whenever you shift from one place to another…it’s just the distance that makes it that much harder. Besides, I usually don’t let people into my inner circle of friends very rapidly.

      No, I haven’t been doing a lot of emailing. I used email as fillers, for exchanging information which could wait – but I always prefer to actually call people.

  2. Evelina

    December 13, 2009

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    I completely know how you feel… Completely. And even if letters/Skype/phone makes it a bit better, it just cannot replace spending time with them in real. Hrrr.

    • Ankur

      December 13, 2009

      Post a Reply

      You know what Evelina? This comment gave me a laughing fit because I got reminded of Google Translate and ‘educate the moon right into my window’. :D

      Skypeing etc does make everything feel so much more unreal.

  3. Aditya

    December 13, 2009

    Post a Reply

    You know why you blog? This post of yours gave me a lump-in-the-throat. That is why you blog. Because you write well! And what is that nonsense of not being able to write, and words don’t flow? Then how did you write such a freakin’ long post?
    Looks like you’ve just seen ‘Swades’.

  4. Aditya

    December 13, 2009

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    Also, in a post ingeniously titled …, you mentioned a DNA quote. Turns out he was right after all. Your soul is travelling at the speed of that camel. It is still near R K Puram.

  5. Agrim

    December 13, 2009

    Post a Reply

    You know, reading this article is giving me the shivers…why? because i’m leaving in 36 days for singapore..for 2 years…that too before my friends and me could officially leave school. And this thing came at SUCH a short notice that deciding whether to go or not was a big pain. And once I got over everything to say yes, settled in the feeling, I read this. And I began thinking again “What the F am I goin to do for 2 years?”
    Your post got me thinking about situations that could well be true for me during my stay, I thank you for that :)

    I’ll probably have a post for this…soon.

    • Ankur

      December 13, 2009

      Post a Reply

      Is that scholarship contest which allows you to do your +2 level in Singapore that you’re referring to?

      I hope this post doesn’t put you off in any way, because anyone who takes a decision to move does it with the knowledge that these things will happen. It’s just you only realize the severity of it once you’re actually away from home.

  6. Rachit Agarwal

    December 13, 2009

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    and again, your penchant for choosing the worst possible time to call amazes me man. just when i think that ankur cant really call at this time, and i can occupy myself with work, you call. it’s sometimes freaky i tell you :P

  7. Ravi Punj

    December 13, 2009

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    I’m surprised to see where the post took off, and where it landed. It seems too disconnected. But, wouldn’t that explain a few things?

    • Ankur

      December 13, 2009

      Post a Reply

      I never plan posts. I just type, real-time and then when nothing else seems to be coming I hit ‘publish’.

      A similar disconnect happened in my ‘…’ post too. I think it shows the state of confusion I’m in. :|

  8. Naman Bagga

    December 13, 2009

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    This thing does happen, it happens with me too. When I’m away from home (though not as far as you are), the post frequency on my blog drops terribly… I’ve been calling it ‘being busy with college’ but really it is something else.. I understand how it feels.. don’t know any solution though… :-/

    • Ankur

      December 13, 2009

      Post a Reply

      That’s an interesting perspective. I know you mentioned this previously too, but it’s worth thinking whether I only think I’m being swamped with work as opposed to actually being swamped with work.

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