My rating of 2012: C- (Disappointing)
Cast: John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Danny Glover, People from Mowther Rosshia
Directed by: Roland ‘Douchebag’ Emmerich
Studio: Sony ‘motherfucking‘ Pictures / Columbia TriStar
Anything by Roland Emmerich is worth watching because you can poke fun at the guy once the movie is over. Be it ‘uploading viruses’ in Independence Day or running away from condensation in The Day After Tomorrow. 2012 is a movie which spent $199 million of its $200 million budget on special effects, leaving $1 million to hire cast. Too bad no money was left to pay scriptwriters, so the script was left lying outside Sony Pictures offices until random hobos filled up the pages.
I know I rant about this every time I watch a movie funded by Sony Pictures, but honestly, this really gets my goat. I’ll write this in all caps. STOP PUTTING SONY VAIO LAPTOPS IN EVERY SCENE YOU CAN GODDAMMIT!!!
So what have we? I’m sure you’ve all seen the trailer for 2012 with cities sinking, buildings feeling woozy, drag races involving limousines and earthquake cracks. This movie is a true gem of scientific accuracy. I know about artistic license, but man, try to meet us halfway.
The velocity of temperature is increasing…
At 2.5 hours, the movie is way too long. Which obviously means falling back to techno-sounding bullshit (like above) and introducing characters from Mowther Rosshia sobbing about the price of vodka.
Advice: watch it with a few friends poking fun at the movie. It’s the only way to survive the crashing waves of preposterous ‘storyline’.