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Mayan douchebags

By on Dec 12, 2009 in Reviews | 4 comments

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Indeed. The poster and the trailer warned me not to watch this movie.

Indeed. The poster and the trailer warned me not to watch this movie.

My rating of 2012: C- (Disappointing)
Cast: John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Danny Glover, People from Mowther Rosshia
Directed by: Roland ‘Douchebag’ Emmerich
Studio: Sony ‘motherfucking‘ Pictures / Columbia TriStar

Anything by Roland Emmerich is worth watching because you can poke fun at the guy once the movie is over. Be it ‘uploading viruses’ in Independence Day or running away from condensation in The Day After Tomorrow. 2012 is a movie which spent $199 million of its $200 million budget on special effects, leaving $1 million to hire cast. Too bad no money was left to pay scriptwriters, so the script was left lying outside Sony Pictures offices until random hobos filled up the pages.

I know I rant about this every time I watch a movie funded by Sony Pictures, but honestly, this really gets my goat. I’ll write this in all caps. STOP PUTTING SONY VAIO LAPTOPS IN EVERY SCENE YOU CAN GODDAMMIT!!!

So what have we? I’m sure you’ve all seen the trailer for 2012 with cities sinking, buildings feeling woozy, drag races involving limousines and earthquake cracks. This movie is a true gem of scientific accuracy. I know about artistic license, but man, try to meet us halfway.

The velocity of temperature is increasing…

At 2.5 hours, the movie is way too long. Which obviously means falling back to techno-sounding bullshit (like above) and introducing characters from Mowther Rosshia sobbing about the price of vodka.

Advice: watch it with a few friends poking fun at the movie. It’s the only way to survive the crashing waves of preposterous ‘storyline’.



4 Comments

  1. Naman Bagga

    December 12, 2009

    Post a Reply

    I did exactly that. Went with a group of friends and all I did was discuss how stupid the movie was, laughing on the dialogues that were supposed to be the most serious ones. I saw it in Bhopal so it was dubbed in Hindi, gave an extra reason to LOL at all the dialogues.

  2. Achyuth Sanjay

    December 31, 2009

    Post a Reply

    The movie was sleep inducing when it was not hilarious. I slept in the first half for around 10 minutes.
    I used to think tsunamis were no threat if you were out in the ocean. I guess I was wrong.

    • Ankur

      December 31, 2009

      Post a Reply

      Given the scenes of a guy outrunning earthquakes and volcanic storms, I’m willing to forgive the minor point about tsunamis. ;) But there have been quite a few movies about freak waves. Poseidon (original and remake) spring to mind.

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