photo credit: MildlyDiverting‘Richard?’
‘How extraordinary…’
‘Richard, what’s the matter?’
‘Nothing, Kate. Er, I’ve just read the most astounding thing.’
‘Really, what are you reading?’
‘Well, the telephone directory, in fact…’
‘Really? I must rush out and buy one. Have the film rights gone?‘
‘Look, sorry, Kate, can I get back to you? I don’t know where Gordon is at the moment and –’
‘Don’t worry. I know how it is when you can’t wait to turn the next page. They always keep you guessing till the end, don’t they? It must have been Zbigniew that did it.‘

The single most funniest bit of writing I’ve read (again) recently. Not surprisingly, it’s from Douglas Adams.

Hitchhiker’s Guide + Towel, originally uploaded by Ankur Banerjee.

Here goes my tiny little collection of pictures taken on Towel Day 2008. Featuring [drum roll] my towel. And me too, looking totally like a character from the army of the bawas in the movie 300. View my Towel Day slideshow on Flickr for rest of the pics (it’s a pretty short one).

If not, go find it. Today happens to be Towel Day, so if aren’t wielding your towel around already, move that butt off your chair and GET it. Keep it sorta like Linus’ security blanket. Wield it around as a weapon against salespeople pestering you. Use to shield yourself from the ghastly sight of JEE preparation books. Go ahead, and celebrate.

Something I don’t understand about news channels in India is why on EARTH do they ask rhetorical questions. By ‘news channels’, I mean English news channels because it has been scientifically proven by now that the Hindi ones are run by spirit-possessed retards. And even when I saw ‘English news channel’, I mean Times Now and CNN-IBN. Headlines Today never shows news and seems to be in perpetual advertisement break whenever I switch to it, showing their stupid ‘We’re refreshingly different retarded’ ads; and NDTV 24×7 with its garish colors looks more like a pr0n channel, coupled with shoddy reporters.

Compared to everyone else, CNN-IBN and Times Now are quite sensible. Comparatively, that is. For instance, what is the need to have a 30-second video clip looping over and over again for a four-minute news article? Makes my head spin. Admit it, that you’ve no footage, and move on.

Coming the questions themselves, which are so mind-bogglingly stupid and rhetorical. Following are actual questions which the studio anchors asked their reporters (or reporters asking people), followed by the answers I’d have given to those retards if it was me who was asked such silly questions:

Anchor (after Jaipur blasts - may the victims rest in peace): Now this is the first time a major terrorist incident has occurred, do you think the more security forces will be posted in public places?
Reply: No. They’ll all be busy protecting the IPL cheerleaders from being hit by (water bottle) missiles.

Reporter (to an obviously frightened small kid who was there at a blast site): How do you feel about it?
Reply: Great! Blood, mayhem all around, seems right out of 300. Any idea which movie is being shot here?

Reporter (to Joy Bhattacharya, advisor on the Kolkata Knight Riders team - he’s an amazing quizmaster too): How do you feel that your team is on a winning streak?
Reply: I’m highly disappointed with the outcome. I had bet a lot of money into our team losing, because conducting quizzes hardly pays anything. Ruddy bastards, they keep winning. Maybe I should try and get Shoaib beat up Ganguly with his bat…

See what I mean? Utterly ridiculous interviews. Try seeing one on BBC or CNN. OK, BBC, not CNN, because the latter is after all, an American television network.

Douglas Adams wrote in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy:

Ford Prefect had discovered that human beings had this habit of stating the obvious. He conjectured that if a human stops talking, their brains would start working…

May not be the exact quote, but that was the gist of it. Nicely illustrated by a scene from one of the later episodes:

Arthur Dent: Zaphod, it seems like you’ve fallen down a 30-foot hole.
Ford Prefect: Arthur, I think he knows that.

Oh well, hope normality is restored soon.