Be alarmed. Be very very alarmed.

A publicity poster from the Guildford Burough Council
A publicity poster from the Guildford Borough Council

I was about a write a blog post detailing happenings over the past few days, but I have quite a few pictures to share too. Along with the post text it would have made for one long post. So what I decided to do is a post the pictures in this post, and then mention the other stuff in a separate post. Oh, and the image above is to assure you that my cock is, indeed, huge.

"Would you like some syphillis with your Earl Grey, sir?"
"Would you like some syphilis with your Earl Grey, sir?"

I took this photo at a cafe near the town’s main bus centre. Which reminds me that I’m officially a resident of Guildford, now that I have seen the Bearded Lady of Guildford at the bus station. I came to know who she is later; at first I thought I’d seen some cross-dressing man with a beard wearing hiking boots. Brrr.

Alarmed 1

Alarmed 3

Alarmed 2

There is some sort of national conspiracy afoot in UK to have all foreigners drop dead laughing. I can’t stop laughing whenever I come across these umpteen signs saying some inanimate object is ‘alarmed’. I mean, they can put across what they’re trying to some other way, can’t they?

"Dude, like, watch out for that giant fucking tomato while walking will you?"
"Dude, like, watch out for that giant fucking tomato while walking will you?"

Taken during a MAD TV shoot. More on MAD TV and that particular shoot in my next post! Mate of mine tells me that ‘plant’ means ‘machinery’ in this context; after all, we were shooting at the under-construction Surrey Sports Park. I assure folks back in India that I’m not in any immediate danger of being eaten by giant broccoli.

The Lord is never far from you, it seems.
The Lord is never far from you, it seems.

Saw this parked outside the library one day. If you ever stray away from The Path, the Lord is reachable from his 24/7 cabin, right next to Wates House – where you can drop by for a few pints after you’ve been absolved of all your sins. I also met some Mormons.

Henry the Vacuum Cleaner. My housemates tell me that he's good at blow-jobs.
Henry the Vacuum Cleaner. My housemates tell me that he's good at blow-jobs.

Each house in Stag Hill Court (that’s where I stay) gets a vacuum cleaner, in case the housemates want to clean up something if cleaners aren’t scheduled to visit soon. Our vacuum cleaner is named Henry. For some reason this reminds me of Postman Pat. I have no idea why.

Cardboard and paper only
Cardboard and paper only

Look, even out dustbins have names. This is Doris. She likes to be stuffed. You can find her clones all over campus.

Norton Space Shuttle - occupies a shit-load of memory and takes ages to launch
Norton Space Shuttle - occupies a shit-load of memory and takes ages to launch

I don’t know who this belongs to precisely, but it’s one of my housemates. Cuddly little toy. And my housemates are such nice people.

HP Listen2U 1

HP Listen2U 2

HP Listen2U 3

HP toured a select few universities in UK as a part of its Listen2U campaign, on the launch of its dv6 artist edition laptop. They parked this bus outside Chancellors where you could and try out their laptops, jam on Guitar Hero or play Call of Duty : Modern Warfare. Got free HP-branded flip-flops from there too! As a part of the tour, HP sponsored gigs at these universities; at Surrey we had Reverend and The Makers at our student union nightclub Rubix. Apparently they’re chaddi buddies of fellow Sheffield band the Arctic Monkeys and headline gigs of the latter. To be honest, the gig at Rubix was just so-so; quite okay for a free gig. I must say that I like this song called Open Your Window by them quite a lot.

More later!

11 replies on “Be alarmed. Be very very alarmed.”

Right. So what do they mean by “alarmed” ?
Hilarious post!
Especially the alarmed bits.

I remember reading behind chips packets that the products are made in a “hygienic plant” and was as confused as you were. :P

‘Alarmed’ means that they’ve some sort of electronic alarm attached to them, so if you try to break in the alarm will set of etc etc.

Oh, and I was talking about a different type of vegetable. I mean, er, plant. Plant in this context is bulldozers, earth movers, cranes – that sort of thing. Believe me, I wouldn’t want to eat ANY chips made in that that sort of plant, hygienic or not.

For most unis in UK, you pay around 9k-15k GBP per annum. Surrey is at 11k. Within this, you do get options for financial support but not to the extent other countries give since all UK universities are government-run. Surrey does not give entry scholarships; it only gives those on the basis of performance in internal exams (but starting from the first year itself).

Does it include all costs (tution,food,transport,hostel etc) .could u tell me your 10 12 marks.your ielts or tofel scr.does the university require sat?

i am applying for uk . So if u cld tell y u chose uk over india?

is surrey good for computers?
this place is quite expensive do u find it cost effective

Surrey is one of the best places to study computers. It’s electronics engineering department is ranked 4th (electronics and computers engineering falls under that department; you have a pure computer science degree too but that’s a different department). What sets Surrey apart from the institutions ranked above it – and the difference between them isn’t that much – is that it has a very lucrative placement year option. This allows you the oppurtunity to work for one whole year at a company related to your field, you get paid full-scale salary for it, and it counts as a part of course. It also helps you get Chartered Engineer status. The ones ranked above it – Cambridge, Imperial, Southampton – either don’t offer the placement year option, or are much more expensive. Surrey’s Advanced Technology Institute has done and still does a lot of cutting edge research.

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